Muppet alert!

A Clue-Free zone

When you run a website, you always get occasional emails from people who just don't seem to "get it", fraudsters and people who are clearly just plain nuts......

From: Larry Captains <larrycaptains@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2008 01:54:08 -0700 (PDT)

Dear One,

How is business? I hope by Gods grace business is moving on
smoothly. First of all let me introduce my self to, my Name is Larry captains from
Richmond Michigan in The United States and my main reason for contacting you
that I would like to order some Aluminum Extension Ladders to purchase but
before we proceed I would like you give me an answers to the below listed
questions:

1. Can you assist me with these orders?
2. How much will 10 units of your Aluminum Extension Ladders
cost me
3. Do you accept credit card as payment?
4. How do you ship your orders?
5. How much will it cost me to ship to this address?
Trust Mines Ghana Limited
20th Aviation road
Accra-Ghana
00233
Kindly gets back to me as soon as possible so that we can
proceed with the orders.
Thank you.

Larry captains

I guess this came from finding my Jacobs ladder page.... Now what are the chances of a genuine mine in Ghana buying ten ladders on a credit-card via someone in the USA....

From  : SAHEFT AZIA IBRAHIM <waziriazia@yahoo.co.in>
MINISTRY OF AVIATION.
Ghana Airways.

Air Craft Spare parts Contract.

We are offering you this opportunity of supply us Air Craft Spare Parts. We are looking for companies that are willing and interested of supply us this parts mention below.

(1) order for trent 80 engines to power 6 air bus A340 air craft to Tunisia airways with powerful payload performance plus 6.5% smaller noise foot print when taking off.
(2) Blended winglet on boeinig:
(A) Boeinig 737
(B) Boeinig 747
(C) Boeinig 767
(D) Boeinig 777
(3) Air bus 340
(4) Air bus 330

Any interested company should contact us.

The contract is under supervision Aviation Minister.

Thanks,

Dr. S A Waziri
Contract Team Leader.

Don't think I'll be flying with them anytime soon.... Aviation minstry using a Yahoo email address.. and they can't even spell Boeing. Surprised they didn't ask to pay by credit-card....

Subject: science
From: <vaughn37325vv@peoplepc.com>
Date: Thu, 12 Jan 2006 18:36:38 -0500
Cc: <vaughn37325@peoplepc.com>

i need a project that i can carry classroom to class and
its not a realy diffecault project to make

p.s it has to be about science

I get plenty of  Nigerian scammers sending pathetic attempts at fraud, but this one is particularly amusingly worded...!

From: samuel aminmu <amy_company_ltd@sify.com>
Date: Sat, 01 Oct 2005 05:01:29 +0600 (IST)

good day sir/ma
A bite of the introduction. i am trade man. i came from south african and this is my comming to your store company for contacting you. when i came across your store company web site. i was so glad to place an order some items send out in your to my store, because. i am a trade man i use to trade some goods out to all my customers in india,ghana,and uk and will all know that a trade business man can never shitted another business trdae man/ wuman,now. this is the what i want you to understand from me now. i promiss you that i will never, never be shitted you ok and i will like you to ship the goods down through via ups to my store company in african lagos nigeria and i will like to make the payment sent to you by credit card infothanks best people in life .i love you all and i need your reply to my request to day about my contacting you.

From: john ken <johnkenenterprises@yahoo.com>
Date: Thu, 14 Apr 2005 02:19:54 -0700 (PDT)

hello sales,
my name is john dash,i am the general manager of pearly emporium
at uk,i want to place an
order to your company i want to know whether you ship internationally
to england if you do kindly
mail me so that i can choose what i want and forward my credit card for the payment
best regards,
48,palmer road,
headington,
oxford.uk

Not sure if this is a scammer or just an idiot ....erm, doesn't the .co.uk in the address give you a clue....?

This one only made it here because of the bizarre use of language.....

Mr. William H. Millard
Post Office Box 260134
University Square Posat Office
Madison, Wisconsin 53726-260134

Friend:

On the twenty fourth of March of the year of two thousand and five; I was
looking on the itnernet to find out about the name, address, phone number
and E-mail address had of the varius perons who have the know how, the
expertise, the capabilities and the resources to build, for me, the various
types of the Tesla Coils. I noticed your side and you left your e-mail
address on your web site so then I decied to write, to you, inquireingly?

But the reasons of my writing: I am needful to know if it be the case that
you would have the capabilities, the resources and the where-with-all to
build, for me, the needed amounts of the Tesla coils? That is to say: if I
can find buyers who would purchase of the each one of the numbers of the
coils that you could design and build, for me; how many Tesla coils could
you design and build, for me, if I were to pay you for the each and every
one of the coils that you were to design and build?

In answering this letter; you should calculate, of the cost of your
materials, what you would make of an use to build the each and every one of
the, particular, Tesla Coils, and you could add your cost of materials and
supplies added to that, monetary, amount what you would charge me for the
labor's time required, by yourself, for the building of the each one of the
Tesla Coils what you were to build for me, but you would have to make your
selling price affordable, for me, so that I would be, economcially and
reasonablly, allowed, profitably, to purchase, for, profitable, resale, the
many of your coils, and that you would have to do this so that I would be
able to afford of the purchase of the various, numbers of the Tesla Coils
what you could, profitably, build, for me, for my, profitable, means of a
re-distribution?

Write, responsively, by return E-mail, and calculate the figures and let me
know as to your sellling price and let me know, also, of the various types
of the Tesla Coil designs as well as other types of the, related, products,
of an electrical nature, what you could build for purposes of my resale
also, and you can, explicably, respond by, return, E-mail as sent to the
E-mail address as shown in the below.

Respectfully,
William H. Millard (YHV)

From: Daniela Falvo <acquisti@promotionalservice.it>
Date: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 17:37:33 +0200

Dear Mike,

I'm Daniela Falvo and I work in Promotionalservice S.p.A. ( Please to visit   www.promotionalservice.it )

We need your very urgent offer regarding same items :

NIXIE CLOCK GALLERY

ITEM N. 1 > REF. FROM GUIDO MENNEN ( HOLLAND )
ITEM N. 2 > REF. FROM GERHARD SCHOLZ ( GERMANY )
ITEM N. 3 > REF. FROM BILL RICHARDS ( USA )

Please send us your best offer in ˆ ( EURO ) for quantities :
*    1.200 pcs
*    1.400 pcs
*    1.600 pcs
Also please to quote us freight free Promotionalservice - Via
dell'Artigianato, 90 - 37060 Caselle di Sommacampagna - Verona - ITALY.

We have an other question:
Please send us a quotation for 1 product for each item ( sample ) + please
to quote freight free Verona.
ITEM N. 1 > REF. FROM GUIDO MENNEN ( HOLLAND ) = 1 pc
ITEM N. 2 > REF. FROM GERHARD SCHOLZ ( GERMANY ) = 1 pc
ITEM N. 3 > REF. FROM BILL RICHARDS ( USA ) = 1 pc

IN total = n. 3 pcs.

Please inform us regarding:
- If is possible to personalize items requested
- DELIVERY TIME for the sample ( 2 working days or not ? )
- DELIVERY TIME for the production

Please reply soonest !

Thanks a lot for your co-operation and Best regards,


Daniela Falvo
Responsabile Gift & Gadget
Promotionalservice spa
Via dell'Artigianato,90
37060 Caselle di Sommacampa - Verona - Italy
e-mail: <mailto:acquisti@promotionalservice.it>
acquisti@promotionalservice.it
tel. 339 - 045 - 8580122
fax. 339 - 045 - 8581263
www.promotionalservice.it <http://www.promotionalservice.it>

Guestbook message

Name:
Morrison
E-mail address:
colizx@yahoo.com
Homepage URL:

Comments:
i saw ur advert & i see that u have a lovely product which can be very good to the poeple of my country .Even when some of my friends saw it they long for it ,but didn't know how to get it .I humbly wish to be ur agent in my country ,aleast with a little rewards or wage.I am a christian know with honesty & loyalty,i will help u sell them send ur money back to u .Please i will be very ap[preciative if my request is granted .

Thanks Morrison Okonkwor


Date: 2004-06-03 07:45:26 (Pacific Time)
Remote Host: 81.199.84.38

The form was sent by KATHCO@TDN.COM
name: A.R. KISER
comments: HAVING TROUBLE WITH ELECTRONICS NUT LIVING ABOVE US-USES SOME KIND OF LASER TO VIEW ENTIRE INSIDE HOME ACCURATE ENOUGH TO ENTER EAR CANAL--HOW CAN I GET RID OF THIS OR DESTROY HIS SYSTEM WITH LASER DISTINCE ABOUT 3/4 MILE.

The "nutter" category just keeps getting better....  this is the best one ever!!!

Subject: urgent order enquiry
From: williams michael <williams219n2@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 27 Feb 2004 04:09:19 -0800 (PST)

HELLO SALES,
I WIL LIKE TO ORDER THE BELOW ITEMS,SO I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE THEM INSTOCK(ready for shipment)?
IF THEY ARE INSTOCK,I WILL IKE TO ORDER THEM SO,KINDLY LET ME HAVE THE QUOTE.
I WILL ALSO WANT YOU TO INCLUDE THE SHIPPING COST VIA USPS GOBAL EXPRESS ORDER UPS EXPRESS IN THE QUOTE WHILE SENDING IT.
my address:11,ca.c street off palm avenue,
mushin,lagos.
nigeria.2341.
the item(s) are as follow:
Old calculators
Olympia CD80......quantity........10
A.P.F Electronics Mark VII....quantity........10
Busicom Exec 80-DC....quantity........10

Mono British Input Jacks, Vintage British Type, Marshall Hiwatt Orange........30 pcs

I wil be waiting to read from you now,kindly mail me now.
thanks,
Williams.

I just can't think of any comment for this one other then Huh? - the cluelessness speaks for itelf...!

Subject: HALOGEN AND VACUUM BULBS INQUIRY
From: "laura wayne" <globaltechinc@hotmail.com>
Date: Mon, 12 Jul 2004 16:49:38 +0000

Dear Sales,
As an import manager for GLOBAL TECHNOLOGY INC ,we are interested in
your products.Firstly, may comfirm if you ship internationally?.
We are very interested in your LIGHTINGS PRODUCTS described below.
HALOGEN VACUUM BULBS
We are willing to get more information on your company and also your products to open a potential business relationship.
We are eagerly in need of the unit in our company store and presently at the site.So please, kindly reply us with an information in ordering large
to our company in AFRICA then we can start a dialogue for discussing potential synergies.
Looking forward to your affordable prices and good terms of transaction.Thank you for your prompt attention.
GLOBALTECHNOLOGY INC
IMPORT MANEGER
LAURA WAYNE

From: gaoutham <gautham@bheltry.co.in>
Date: Sun, 16 May 2004 14:05:26 +0530

Dear Sir,
We are boiler manufacture of India. We ignite the oil using Ignitor.
In the Ignitor circuit we are using spark gap. the specification is
enclosed for your reference .
This spark gap is gas filled inside the glass with two electrode.
Anual requirement is around 150 Nos.
kindly send your budgetory offer for 4 Nos."(sample) along with
detailed catalogue/write up/ specification.

Your earliest reply is soliciated.
With regards,
PSK.Gautham
Senior Product Engineer,
Controls &Instrumentation,
Building No. 60
Bharat Heavy Electricals limited
Tiruchirappalli -620 014
Tamil Nadu ,India

From: "Quality Marketing Services \(QMS\)" <qmsbiz@hotmail.com>
Date: Sat, 15 May 2004 12:48:02 +0500
Our ref: QMS/RFQ/04051501 dated: 15th May 2004
Mike's Electric Stuff
UK
Subject: RFQ QMS04051501 For Tube Electron & Thyratron
Dear Sir,
Please provied information and exclusive quote on FOB / CIF Islamabad basis ASAP for the items mentioned below.
Please provied discounted prices.
TQ81 Thyratron 10 Ea
YD1102 Tube Electron 100 Ea

Please also confirm following on your quotation:

a.. Calibration Certificate (if applicable)
b.. Warranty period: Certificate mentioning at least one year warranty
c.. Condition of store (ie current production/ factory new, new, refurbished etc.)
d.. Quotation validity upto 90 days
e.. Country of Origin:
f.. Port of shipment:
g.. Delivery Period:
h.. Equipment state: Factory new, current production, refurbished, etc.
i.. Payment terms & conditions and Mode of payment
j.. Other terms & conditions
k.. Furnish OEM certificate or certificate of OEM vendor
What would be our commission against this quotation?

Plz also intimate how soon these items can be delivered.. if possible fax quote at +92 51 2856887 at the earliest or call me at +92 300 9555031

With best regards
Tariq A Majid
CEO

Quality Marketing Services
Flat # 4, First Floor, Block 14-B, F-8 Markaz,
Islamabad 44000. Pakistan
Tel 92 51 2280406
Fax 92 51 2856887
Mobile: 92 300 9555031
E-mail: qmsbiz@hotmail.com
tampk@isb.paknet.com.pk

From: "Robin Green" <RGreen@shopamericanetwork.com>
Date: Wed, 30 Jul 2003 09:06:13 359500
Call me immediately at 954-441-4424. We want to feature your products on our next television show.
Robin Green
Product Research Director
Shop America Network, Inc.

Dear Mike
I visited your web site and found that your company deals in Selenium
Photoelectric Cells.
I represent Sigma Trading Company, based at Chandigarh,India, dealing in
semiconductor devices. My company is interested in procuring Selenium Photoelectric Cells to be
used in Colorimeters, Spectrophotometer and other medical instruments, on
regular basis. Would you please send me detailed catalog and price list on the address
given below: SIGMA TRADING COMPANY INDIA

From: <m@rcocakep-ngemil-sambil-nonton.tv>

Dear Sir,
I'm customer from Singapore. I saw in your website that you sell Photometer products. So i would like to request this product:
- Photometer  Merk : Bio sytem  Model : BTS-330
I'm very interested with your products and I have plan to buy it.But before i'm going to proceed with my order, i have following question for you:
-Do you have that products instock right now?
-Do you accept International Order?
-What is your shipping method for International Order?
Can you ship by FedEx??
If you have new information about my request order please
don't be hesitate to contact me by e-mail.
Thank's Best Regard's  Andixa Sukma.

Subject: Is your equipment Safe?
From: "Premtec Systems Ltd"

Hi at mike@electricstuff.co.uk

A QUARTER OF ALL REPORTED ACCIDENTS AT WORK INVOLVE PORTABLE APPLIANCES !

Who is responsible for the safety of electrical appliances?

In short, we all are. But under the Electricity at Work Regulations, it is the duty of every employer to ensure safety. EAW also puts a duty on
employees to comply and co-operate with their employers to ensure safety. The primary requirement is to maintain equipment so as to prevent danger. You can achieve this by setting up an inspection and testing regime of user checks, formal visual checks and electrical test/inspections, at regular planned intervals.

<snipped stuff about how wonderful they are at providing appliance tests>

OK, it's spam, but particularly inappropriate - maybe I should call them and ask them to safety test my Tesla Coil......

Subject: Website Safety Test Results
From: "Delisa Foreman" <delisaf@safeshoppingnetwork.com>
Date: Sun, 26 Oct 2003 22:10:19 -0800

Hello,

My name is Delisa, I have used the website testing technologies here at the Safe Shopping Network (http://www.safeshoppingnetwork.com) to test your site (netcomuk.co.uk) for security, usability and performance. You will be pleased to know that it did quite well. The reason I did the test is because we are currently searching for sites with high scores to add to our very popular (over two million shoppers per month) directory of tested safest shopping websites. I am not sure if I have the right email address but maybe you could lead me to the right person. If you would please forward this to the appropriate marketing manager, I would be grateful. Safe Shopping Network uses sophisticated testing technologies... <blah blah blah> .....We provide many high-value pricing packages...<more marketing crud> ...Since it looks like your site fits well into multiple categories, I would be happy to list netcomuk.co.uk in the section of your choice free when you purchase two or more listings."

So this site is "safe" is it ? I don't think I want to do business with anyone with such a casual attitude towards "safety".....!

The content of this e-mail is strictly confidential, <blah blah blah> Shame - pity I decided to publish it, then!

From: "Romulus" Hello there, Can your company make magnets to these specs? If so can I get an estimate on the cost of making them? They must be neodymium. Thanks

(this idiot attatched a 430K bitmap file which would have been about 4K as a GIF, and sent same message twice....)

Hi,my name is kevin.im looking for a valve with an automatic shut off feature for use with trychoethelene. The valve needs to shut off by means of a timer or a quantity sensor, quite simply to stop a master tank overflowing a smaller tank situated below it. Hope you can help,kevin A.W.G. PIPEWORK.

This is one of several mails from people confusing valves (vacuum tubes) with valves (things to control fluid flow). Most have been from non-English speaking countries, but this was from a bozo in the UK! Just how dumb do you need to be to work out that it's not that type of valve - would you trust your pipework to this person....? Or maybe he just emailed every website containing the word 'valve'. Here's another :

From: "Thomas Stern"  We are currently seeking chiller control valves - 1 1/4", 1 1/2", & 2" sizes. They are used as Heating & Cooling valves in conjunction with Honeywell M934A1284S Modulator Motor. We would accept new or good condition used valves.

..and another....

Subject: Di-Motor Valve and Solenoid Valve
From: "Di-Hen" <service@di-hen.com.tw>
Date: Wed, 27 Nov 2002 10:46:50 +0800

DEAR Sir/Madam:

We are export of ¡§Solenoid Valve¡¨ and ¡§Motor Valve¡¨.
Our company has enjoying a fine reputation as handle of fine products in Taiwan for over 15 years and has been exporting these products for nearly 10 years. Besides, we factory passed the international quality certification ISO9001, CE, CSA, UL 429 and so on. If you have any question. Welcome to give us a mail or go to our website for detail information. Thank you spent time for see the mail.

..and another.....

From: "Jerry Yen" <jerry@ace-valve.com>
Dear Sir,
We are inviting you to visit our website http://ace-valve.com for some possible value within your supply chain.
We supply valves and valve balls for global market.
Hope to see you!
Jerry Yen
Ace Hollow-ball Valve Co., Ltd.
http://ace-valve.com

please sent me your free printed catalogue as soon as possible for my new company in America & Egypt
Address: 4990 kinamon RD - Apt-D / winston salem / N.C/ 27103 /U.S.A
( to:Mohamed Wagdy )
OR to : 20 - 517th street \ koch st.\Asafra baharia\ alexandria\ Egypt .
( to:Nehad Elshatby)
Thanks.

Dear Mike,
I wonder if you could give me some advice. I have a patented invention that I would like to get some economic backing or would like to move forward with.
The basic theory behind my invention is it is an engine that runs itself on the energy it creates. Would you be able to advise me on the correct manufacturers or people to contact. Any help with be very gratefully received.
With thanks, Matt Crook

While doing a web search your company came up as a supplier of industrial electric blankets. Can you advise if you do supply these and whether you have some information you can send me on them. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you shortly. Regards Vicki Leadbetter Berg Group Stirling UK

Please send us your cataloge in form of book or CD. Thanks Our Address is No.329 Floor 9th Entrance 8 Block A5 Ekbatan minicity Tehran Iran
And P.O.Box 1394613741 Seyed Mohammad Emami Emami Industrial Group

<moron>@aol.com
message:
    this is a school project, and i'd like to know the address of your company so you can be my supplier. please send it to this address, if not ues the one s

Subject: valve cooperation
From: "Simon" <lifeng@cn-wzvalve.com>
Date: Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:38:12 +0800

Dear Sir,
We are a valve manufacturer in China with own Export Licence, our valve mainly
used in Petro-pipeline, boiler, water treatment,power station and other industry,The products
diameter range is DN 5¡«2000mm (1/2¡å¡«80"), the nominal pressure range is 0.6 Mpa¡«100 Mpa
(150Lb¡«2500Lb), and the operating temp. range is -196¡æ¡«750¡æ. The valve material contains
carbon steel, stainless steel, heat-resist alloy steel, Monel, low-temp steel and other special
steels.
we hope can cooperate with you in this field, if you are interested, please contact me
without any hesitate,we are very glad to supply you the technical support and information.and hope you can feedback to me.

with regards
foreign trade manager of No 1 dept.
Simon
tel: 0086-577-86922139
fax: 0086-577-86933224
Email: lifeng@cn-wuzhou.com zjwuzhou@mail.wzptt.zj.cn
www.wuzhou-valve.com

Subject: Re: Inquiry # KFG-1421/SP/03
From: "GREG KAUFMAN" <GREGKAUFMAN@SBCGLOBAL.NET>
Date: Sat, 13 Dec 2003 15:24:43 -0600

Dear Sir / Madam,

Please quote your best prices, availability and delivery time with approx. weight & dimensions for the following item/s.

Item Size and Type Price/Unit

5 Mine torch (Special) 3.4 /3.6 v
6 Electrical Air Compressor (Special for mine) 20 to 26 atm
7 Jack hammer for mine (Using with compressor) IP-4119
8 Jack hammer MO-2
9 Jack hammer Rod IP-4607
10 Rock Drill ( Shocking and Gyrator the same time)
11 Rock Drill rod 1 to 2 m
12 Rock drill Bit (Using at the end of rod)
13 Mine Interferometer
14 Mine cap (Special)

thanks

Greg Kaufman
Luxor Goods inc

....huh ?

More to follow, I'm sure....!